There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

After the creekwalk, I had an interesting conversation with Pastor Dan re: the church youth ministry image that dominated his early days at SCBC and how he was set free from khaki pants and acid-washed jeans by the Altarboys. Funny to picture. At the same time I was wearing all black and listening to the Smiths, spending all my free time on the deck at Cafe Pergolesi where I would sit, clutching my latte, Sartre & filtered, mentholated Benson & Hedges that I wouldn't inhale (sorry mom!); all the while desperately hoping I was cool. The world presented to me at most youth groups was pretty Top 40 squeaky clean, and I didn't know that I could be accepted and loved by God just how I was: unpopular, untan, (I think the term is "pasty") and always picked last for PE teams. (P.L.F.K.- Picked Last For Kickball) I wanted to fit in, and there was no way I could fit in with the cute popular kids in youth group, so I decided at some point that my chances were better with the mod squad goth wannabes downtown. So I donned the turtleneck, turned up the Smiths, and slowly began edging away from my faith. It's that thing again with what Donald Miller said: We have this thing in us that wants everyone else to accept us and love us, and it's because we were made to have someone else tell us our worth. (*Sotto voce* Hint: God .)
So God tells us what we are worth: "How great is love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him."
1 John 3:1..... Now I no longer need to echo Morrissey's rallying cry: "I wear black on the outside, because black is how I feel on the inside." I am all kinds of colours in there.


Camille said...

the kids in my youth group were the suburban gangsta wannabe kids whose christian parents insisted participate and I had more of a classical-music, I-made-my-own-dress kind of look (thank God for the advent of grunge, at least that was what I thought-- such a relief after all that 80s product-driven look, which I never even attempted, either)

Rosa said...

it sounds like we could have huddled together at Volleyball/Beach BBQ night and exchanged sewing patterns/Vonnegut books.

Anonymous said...

thank you for writing this.

angel said...

so what is your synesthete colour(s) for 'black?'
I still am nostalgic whenever I play The Smiths...I wish I'd known you in H.S., I would have been your pasty, "mod squad goth" twin. :)

Read Your Way Through the Garden: Choice Tomes From Garden Literature

  • A Book of Salvias by Betsy Clebsch
  • Botany for Gardeners by Brian Capon
  • Making Bentwood Trellises by Jim Long
  • RHS Encyclopedia of Plants & Flowers
  • Rose Primer: An Organic Approach to Rose Selection & Care by Orin Martin
  • Start With the Soil by Grace Gershuny
  • Sunset Western Garden Book
  • Sunset Western Landscaping Book
  • The Book of Garden Secrets by Patent & Bilderback
  • The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Botany
  • the Gardener's Table: A Guide to Natural Vegetable Growing and Cooking by Richard Merrill & Joe Ortiz
  • The Gardener's Year by Karel Capek
  • The Hutchinson Dictionary of Plant Names: Common & Botanical
  • We Made A Garden by Margaret Fish

lotsa latin: rosa's botanical & etymological ruminations

  • vespertinus: flowers in the evening
  • vernalis:spring
  • veni vidi nates calcalvi: we came, we saw, we kicked butt. This was printed on a T shirt I bought at Abbot's Thrift many years ago. It encircled the NEA symbol. I wish I knew why.
  • superciliaris: shaped like an eyebrow ex: sturnella superciliaris, the White-browed Blackbird
  • rosa-sinensis: species of Hibiscus: Hibiscus rosa-sinensis. Lit. Rosa of China, so named by British plant hunters.
  • placentiformis: shaped like a cake ex: discocactus placentiformis
  • nudiflorus: flowers before leaves show ex: flowering quince, magnolia
  • nivalis: growing in or near snow ex: galanthus nivalis (common snowdrop)
  • muralis: growing on walls
  • mirabilis: marvellous, wonderful
  • formosa: beautiful ex: dicentra formosa, a.k.a.western bleeding heart/dutchman's breeches/lady in a bath
  • carpe vitam: get a life
  • Carolus Linnaeus: Latinized name of Carl von Linne (1707-1778), Swedish naturalist considered the father of plant taxonomy. Whatta guy.