The day was putting along uneventfully. G has gotten herself sick so we planned on staying home and being domestic. I didn't know just how domestic it was going to be, until a knock at the door threw me into 1950's American Housewife-land.*****
I answered the door and it was.....(dum da dum) a man selling wholesale meat! Out of his white unmarked butcher's van! Outside the house, I sat, mesmerized as he opened case after case of frozen steaks, pork chops, sausage, chicken fillets and random seafood. It was surreal. I think the phrase "You look like a business woman" actually came out of his mouth as he proceeded to hawk his frozen meats on my porch. Did I mention he wanted to sell them to me by the case?! We tried to scan & upload the rinky-dink 'brochure' (tri-fold yellow 81/2 x 11) but our computer rebelled. So, I've transcribed some of it for your entertainment.
All American Steak & Seafood
"From Our Freezer to Yours"
YOUR NEXT CASE
THREE (3) CASE SPECIAL
BUY 3 CASES, GET 1 CASE FREE
FAMILY SMART BUY
Purchase 9 cases at our special price
of $299.00 per case and receive a 15
cubic foot chest freezer absolutely free!
Which Eleven & B point out comes to $2,700 worth of meat. There's quite a long list of what I would do with $2,700, and as Eleven said, "a full body tattoo is higher on the list." Of course, with our frequent winter power outages, it would soon be more of a meat mausoleum than a chest freezer.
So, there I was with the Meat Man, and suddenly I felt like I was in the I Love Lucy episode when Lucy & Ethel bought a whole side of beef to fit in their new walk-in freezer, and Lucy got stuck inside, buried under an avalanche of steaks wrapped in white paper. And then they tried to get rid of it by selling them out of a baby's carriage in the back of a butcher's shop.
I am Lucy Arnaz...
I surprised myself by buying 1 box (6 boxes in a case) of chicken tenders, you know-the breaded little pieces of boneless, skinless chicken breasts. And you know what-they were good; not greasy at all, with nice white meat and a little pepper in the breading.
I half expected a power-shoulder suit-clad B to drive up in a Cadillac and start cursing my hapless attempts at housewifery with a Cuban accent.
A Revelation Via Wholesale Meat Commerce......
You know, I never thought I would buy meat from the back of an unmarked van, and it feels a little like a turning point. As I agreed on a price for the chicken and uttered the words, "Let me get my checkbook," I realized something about all those 1950's housewives. They are always portrayed as being so industrious and grown-up, like they were born making Apple Brown Bettys and darning socks.For the first time I thought, maybe they were just doing life too, folding laundry, taking care of sick kids at home (albeit without the soothing ministrations of the Wonder Pets), and buying stuff from traveling salesmen. Weird. I wanted to tie a kerchief around my hair and beat rugs or something.